Cyber Bullying – advice for parents and teens


With increasing numbers of child suicide reported as a result of cyber bullying, it is more important than ever before for parents to give their internet active children some common-sense advice.
The overriding message should be:  when using social media, your conduct should be no different to how you would behave at school, home, the movies, at a shopping mall or any other situation in the off-line or real world.

Simply because you are behind a computer screen and not face-to-face does not mean you are anonymous.  It does not mean there are no consequences for deviant or socially unacceptable behavior. And it certainly does not mean one should lose all common sense and logic that would apply in a normal “in real life” situation.  Many children know the perils associated with talking to strangers, understand basic etiquette regarding social interaction and privacy, but somehow think that living in a digital world means this all falls away – it doesn’t!
Consider this basic analogy; would you allow a random stranger to come into your home and look at your family albums? Would you allow strangers to look at you naked?  No is probably the answer.  Your social media interaction should be no different.
First, some basic tips regarding being a “digital citizen” (someone who uses technology responsibly and appropriately):
  • Do not interact with people online that you do not know.  Do not accept “friend requests” or exchange messages on social platforms with people that you would not do this with in real life.
  • The internet is permanent.  The message you send can be saved; the “snapchat” selfie that you think disappears after a few seconds can be copied; the tweet or direct message you send is never temporary.  Once you hit send the communication is out there for good – often there is no taking it back.
  • The internet is not anonymous. Sophisticated tools in the tracing space are commonplace; tracing a perpetrator is relatively simple.    
  • Simply because you are online does not mean that there are no consequences. Many push the boundaries online and behave like “trolls”.  Just because you are behind a computer or phone screen does not mean real life rules do not apply.
  • Think about your future.  Everyone is starting to leave a digital footprint. If you leave a mess, future employers may not want the baggage and you could jeopardize your career.
In South Africa, there is specific legislation that has recently been passed to deal squarely with online bullying.  Further, the SAPS website has a dedicated page to the issue and prosecution and prevention is something that is easily attained.
So, if you are being bullied online, what steps to take?  Below are some tips taken from various websites dealing with the issue:
  • Don’t respond.  The bully wants the reaction – this is often why they are engaging in this behaviour in the first place. A response gives the bully power over you. Do not empower the bully!
  • Don’t retaliate. Don’t become a bully. Retaliation turns you into the bully and reinforces the original bully’s behaviour.  Avoid the perpetual cycle of aggression and bullying.
  • Save the evidence. Usually, messages can be permanently stored.  Know how to take a screen shot. Keep and save any and all types of these messages.  Remember, if things escalate its always easier to prevent and prosecute with evidence – so even if you think its minor, it’s probably worth keeping in case matters turn ugly.
  • Talk to a trusted adult.  You need someone to talk to about this.  Ideally, a parent. If that is not possible then a trusted family member, school teacher, counsellor, older sibling or trusted family friend.  Bottom line – talk to an adult you trust immediately.  Sometimes, these issues can even be reported anonymously both online and in the real world.
  • Report the issue to the social media platform and block the bully.  Whatever form the harassment is coming in (Facebook, WhatsApp, Snapchat, Mxit, Twitter etc.) use the preferences or privacy tools to block the person.  Also, report the person to the social media platform – there is often an easy to follow link or tool to do this – it may well constitute a breach of the terms of use and in addition to personally blocking the bully, you may block them for everyone else too.   Ask a parent or adult for help here.
  • Be a good person – behave civilly.  Even if you don’t like the person, treat them in a dignified and civil manner.
  • Don’t be a bully. Think for a moment before bullying.  Not only will you face criminal penalties (perhaps jail) you may be sued civilly (damages). Also, revenge is never the answer – holding a grudge only makes YOU more angry.
  • Protect your privacy. NEVER share your password or leave your device unattended.
  • Spend less time online – limit your time on social media.  Active kids are less likely to be bullied.
Contact us on hello@copilot.net, for more information on our Internet Safety and Cyber Bullying Workshops (for parents and teens). 

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